Escaping Culture, Embracing Culture

Rethinking Culture Shock

In conversations about moving abroad, “culture shock” tends to be one of the first phrases that come up. The term conjures any combination of communication struggles in a new language, baffling social customs, unexpected bureaucratic hurdles, unfamiliar food, or the absence of whatever had always been a source of comfort.

Certainly, there are those moments of confusion when confronted with something new or unexpected that could be defined as “shock”, but the transition from one culture to another is more than moments of disorientation. It’s much deeper, and in many ways, more subtle. It plucks at the strings of our core values and beliefs.

Stick with me here, these are new ideas I’m still working through … For instance, what if instead of “shock”, we’re really experiencing either cultural dissonance — when our internal values clash with the culture around us — or, perhaps more unexpectedly, cultural resonance — when something unfamiliar actually feels like home?

That’s a distinction I hadn’t considered clearly until I spoke with our most recent podcast guest, Hawwa.

Prior to my conversation with Hawwa, whenever I reflected on my home culture in Canada, I often trivialized it as a fragmented mix of global influences. Instead of pointing to a shared history or traditions, I boiled it down to a set of expectations of service, convenience, and casual social norms — all things I assumed would be different when we moved to Portugal, but to which I would adapt.

But after talking with Hawwa, I began to see cultural adjustment as much more than learning to cope with surface-level changes. It seems to be more about how a place aligns or conflicts with your most personal values.

Standing in the Colosseum last year, I couldn’t comprehend how the torment and violence that played out in the structure were a “cultural norm” for so long in ancient Rome.

Defining Culture

Before going further, let’s see how culture is defined in a broader sense. The American Psychological Association views culture as:

“The values, beliefs, language, rituals, traditions, and other behaviours that are passed from one generation to another within any social group…”

This would mean culture isn’t simply a feature of one’s nationality. It includes shared identities like gender, socioeconomic background, religion, or even professional norms. More broadly, then, culture is the invisible framework that shapes how we think, act, and interpret the world.

I think back to the townhouse complex where Michal and I lived in Canada. While everyone shared similar homes, schedules, and local amenities, we came from vastly different backgrounds. Our neighbours were from Sri Lanka, Iran, India, Mexico, Germany, and Poland, to name a few. Some were not yet Canadians, others were new Canadians, or first-generation Canadians, and some had roots in Canada for many generations.

Our cultural practices, languages, foods, and celebrations were just as varied. The same held true at work, where my colleagues and I followed the same organizational norms but lived entirely different cultural lives outside the office.

In truth, I didn’t give it much thought at the time. I just lived my life, went about my routines, and endeavoured to be kind and curious.

Before moving to Portugal, I tried to learn about Portuguese culture through the lens of other expats. That research was a mixed bag of grievances and gratitudes. While it helped prepare us for some daily inconveniences, I find that it did not offer much insight into the soul of Portuguese life.

Unlike Canada’s patchwork of cultural traditions, where Diwali, Chinese New Year, National Indigenous Peoples Day, and Christmas are all celebrated, Portugal has a strong, shared cultural identity. When we ask locals about Portuguese holidays, meals, or customs, they often offer vivid stories of history, meaning, and family. The culture isn’t just present; it unites people.

That’s something I couldn’t easily describe for Canada.

Take Canada Day, for example, the celebration of Canadian Confederation. Growing up in rural British Columbia, my family didn’t celebrate it much. As I got older and learned more about Indigenous history and the impact of colonization, it felt less like a day for fireworks and cake, and more like a day for reflection and discomfort. It became a source of quiet cultural dissonance.

The Freedom in Values Alignment

When I asked Hawwa whether she experienced culture shock upon arriving in Canada, her answer surprised me. She said she really didn’t feel “shock” at all. Having travelled extensively, she was comfortable with new foods, different communication styles, and unfamiliar systems. Instead, what stood out to her was something deeper: she felt an immediate sense of ease. She noticed inclusive systems, like accessible transit, and felt free to be her authentic self, unburdened by judgment.

That really gave me pause. Where I had sometimes felt unanchored in Canada due to its lack of a single “shared culture,” Hawwa found liberation and comfort in a sense of strengthened identity.

This notion helped shift my thinking again. I knew cognitively that culture isn’t only about traditional foods, shared rituals, or historical touchstones. There is a layer of culture that includes values alignment, that is, the extent to which a society’s laws, norms, and attitudes resonate with your personal beliefs.

That brought me back to the concept of Cultural Intelligence (CQ).

CQ is our ability to function effectively across cultural contexts. Cultural intelligence is not memorizing etiquette, holidays, or even mastering the local language.

Rather, it is:

• Recognizing your own cultural biases;

• Understanding how others interpret the world; and

• Adjusting your behaviour with empathy and awareness.

These attitudes and behaviours matter whether you're in a homogenous culture or one filled with diverse traditions. Without CQ, cultural differences can cause us struggle or frustration, but with it, those same differences become invitations to grow.

Curious about your own CQ? Here is a simple assessment you can try from the Central Vancouver Island Multicultural Society.

If you haven’t thought much about culture before, don’t despair. It isn’t hard to get started, and there is no need to become a cultural anthropologist. Try asking yourself:

• What do I consider “normal” in daily life?

• What values guide my expectations: efficiency, independence, directness, inclusiveness?

• How do I react when something feels different? Am I curious, or judgmental?

If you, like I did, have trouble defining the culture where you live, a cultural comparison tool can help you reflect by contrasting national tendencies.

For example, under the category of “Indulgence,” Canada is described as:

“People in indulgent societies tend to exhibit optimism, prioritize leisure, and act on impulses freely.”

Portugal, on the other hand:

“Restrained societies emphasize social norms and self-discipline. Indulgence may even be viewed as wrong.”

Obviously, this chart only captures a few distinct elements of culture, but tools like these can help challenge your assumptions and spark useful questions to consider.

When Home Never Fit, or Doesn’t Fit Any Longer

Here’s another line of thinking that grew from my conversation with Hawwa: What if the culture you were born into never felt quite right? Or what if a place that once felt like home gradually starts to feel uncomfortable?

Cultural dissonance can occur not just from moving abroad, but also from shifting norms at home. As societies evolve, sometimes toward openness, other times toward rigidity, people who once felt aligned can find themselves out of step. They may feel discomfort with political trends, social attitudes, or daily interactions that once felt normal. That tension can push them to re-evaluate what “home” means and where they truly belong.

In that sense, CQ isn’t just about navigating a different culture, or fitting in somewhere new. It’s also a way to identify change, to notice when you're out of alignment, and to choose how you want to respond.

If your home culture feels too rigid, or too open, or too individualistic, or too collectivist, living abroad might feel like a deep exhale. The experience of cultural resonance, where societal values and ways of being finally feel right, is powerful. So is recognizing cultural dissonance, which can be equally revealing.

That said, embracing a new culture doesn’t mean erasing your old one, but that’s a thread I’ll pull on another day.

Final Thoughts: Culture as a Lens, Not a List

I’m learning there’s no clear path to adjusting to a new culture. We continue to misread things. We hold assumptions that may take years to unlearn, while we ourselves are also growing.

I now see that adapting to a different culture does not only involve surviving change but also learning to interpret differences with curiosity. What confuses us might also teach us.

I’m still learning, still fumbling, still being shaped by life in Portugal. It’s not always easy, but I wouldn’t trade it. I was moved to discover that Hawwa seemed to share a similar sentiment about another country I love – Canada.

So, here’s a question for you:

Have you ever felt more at home in a culture that isn’t your own? What personal values were most in alignment with that culture?

Let’s start a conversation in the comments. Or if you’d prefer to share privately, email us at info@relocurious.com.

Thanks for reading,
Kathy

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N.B.1 If you are intrigued by the idea of assessing your own Cultural Intelligence, here is another questionnaire with thought provoking questions. You can read the questionnaire without subscribing to the site.

N.B.2 If you have not yet subscribed to the Relocurious podcast, here is a link to the episode with Hawwa that I referenced in this post: