Imagining: The Inner Geography of Longing and Possibility
The stage of daydreams about a life 'somewhere else'
The Starting Point
If you have ever found yourself studying a map of the world and wondering what life might be like in another country, or you have been binge watching online videos about ‘the best places to retire,’ or your friends’ stories of following a dream and loving life in a new place keep you awake at night, you may be experiencing the initial stage of your own relocation. We call this stage ‘imagining.’
Dreaming about a move, or imagining what relocating across borders might bring you, is more than a fantasy. Such imagining can both inspire and inform action. How we dream about the future is often rooted in our real-world contexts (such as where we have lived) and lived experience (how the place has been serving us), and it can signal a deeper desire, need, or wondering.
Imagining the Imagining
What, then, is ‘imagining’? How do you find yourself at this stage? Are there signs that help you tell when this is where you currently are? What does this stage of your relocation journey look and feel like?
We like to think about it as the start of imagining what your life could be like in a different place. You find yourself filled with curiosity, yearning, projection – visualizing yourself (and your family) and your life in a new place. You may not yet have a sense of where that place is, or how exactly you could make it there, or what living there might involve, but bit by bit, you are starting to explore all that. You are also likely finding the exploration quite energizing, pulling you further into it.
Another way to think about this stage is that it represents that space between having a sense that something must, or should, or perhaps could, change, and beginning to take steps towards acting on that realization. Such dreaming may be sparked by a longtime longing for something that has been missing in your life, or a friend’s happy story about their relocation, or a movie depicting a beautiful place, or a sense of the current place or circumstance being in some way unsatisfactory or unsustainable, best to be escaped.
For many people, this stage is filled with possibility and idealism. There is also likely going to be some uncertainty and ambiguity, as you do not yet have much specific, detailed, reliable information to work with. It may simply be too early to tell whether France or Turkey or Costa Rica might serve us best, or in which of these places you can reasonably acquire the right to live and work or study, or how your move there might impact everything else (and everyone) in your life. It’s like a mapping exercise with lots of exciting ideas and possibilities, unconstrained by specific criteria for selecting one over another.
Some of it is gut feeling. Some of it is intentionally letting our minds wander, ideate, and imagine. A vineyard. A pile of rocks. A house on the beach. A little apartment next to a cat café. The sounds of the ocean. Or river. Or birds. Or the city buzz. Walks in a park. Nature. A bakery at a street corner.
The Ways We Might Imagine
If you have been a regular listener of our podcast, you can recognize the Imagining stage in several of our guests’ stories. All of our guests have been through the Imagining stage, yet their experiences have been quite diverse.
Aryan dreamt of an international career before he had a clear sense of any of the specifics. His was a fantasy of identity reinventionthat eventually led to a move overseas to embark on his graduate studies and career.
Deniz is a planner who likes to have her future mapped out in detail, while Caleb is a dreamer energized by a vision but otherwise fine going with the wind. Dreaming together, they iteratively arrived at what worked for them both.
Anushka’s travel experiences with family fueled her curiosity about studying abroad. She had a picture of sunny Vancouver in her mind, so long rainy winters caught her by surprise, and learning to manage her life took time.
Vickie and Jim delved in imagining their dream life and researching possible futures for a number of years, before they arrived at the realization that they were ready to start taking active steps from dreams towards reality.
The Psychology of Imagining
We take delight in examining various psychological frameworks that may help us make sense of some of the experience of relocating, as well as potentially help guide our steps from the current to future stages along The Relocurious Arc. Here are a few thoughts that different theories and models have inspired for us:
According to the Possible Selves Theory by Markus and Nurius, imagining versions of ourselves in future contexts, such as new places, sparks our motivation to explore more deeply, helps activate our sense of agency (the ‘yes, we can!’ attitude), and ‘internal narrative development’ – evolving the story we tell (ourselves and others) of our lives. In short, dreaming about our future can play a constructive role in getting us there. Far from escapism, daydreaming allows us to emotionally test potential realities.
Hershfield and colleagues suggest that the stronger our connection to a ‘future self,’ the more likely we are to take meaningful action toward that imagined future. Called Future Self Continuity, this model makes the case for systematically imagining who and who we might be in the future, and what that might open up for ourselves and others in our lives. Getting clearer on how we might relate to a place, people, or our work in the future can thus become a strong motivator for finding a way to arrive in that future reality sooner.
If you have been wondering whether others – society, members of your profession, family – have been influencing how you live your life more strongly than you yourself have, the developmental work by authors Kegan and Lahey may interest you. Their notion of a Self-Authoring Mind hints that imagining can be the first step towards ‘writing your own story’ rather than living a life to someone else’s expectations. A ‘change of scenery’ can serve as a useful catalyst to such self-directed exploration of what matters the most to you in life, and what contributions you wish to be making.
The Emotions of Imagining
Imagining tends to evoke a sense of hope, excitement, and longing. Whether you perceive your visions of your possible future as fantasy, or as dreams that guide your thinking and give shape to an emerging plan, your emotions may be mostly ignited by what you imagine your future to bring or make possible.
For some, this stage may also prompt emotional experiences of guilt (perhaps related to reflections on one’s own privilege), fear of change (linked to the thoughts of leaving behind the known, safe, and comfortable, in favour of a life largely unexamined and perhaps unknowable in advance), perhaps even of betrayal (to one’s current life or family) and unthankfulness.
You may also find that none of these emotions are present for you. But if you are experiencing some quite strongly, the emotions may be rooted in something you value deeply, something or someone you care about, which you probably do not wish to impact negatively by your move. Perhaps the thought comes to mind that your move would be a selfish act, that it would only serve you, or that you do not deserve the reality you have dreamt up.
We leave these deliberations in your hands. For now, let’s simply dwell in the experience of imagining, dreaming, painting a future in our minds, incubating a new self. We find both value and joy in dreaming and exploring. And, not all imagining obligates action.
Questions and Actions
Imagining your life ‘somewhere else’ may prompt many questions: What is it like when you are dreaming about a life you wish to live in a new place? What are you longing for? What drives the dreaming? What are you curious about? What are you excited about? When you close your eyes, what do you see around you in your new place? How do your days unfold? Who do you interact with, where, how? Who do you see yourself becoming in the new place?
For most of us, dreaming is where relocation starts. Take your time, don’t rush. Indulge and explore in your mind before you shift towards planning. Then, even before you are sure you are ready, consider what small step are you are prepared to take towards action so your dream can become a reality. What do you want to know, and how can you find out? Who might you speak with, and how will you reach out to them? Do you have a timeline in mind for the research, planning, and taking a leap?
Some of our podcast guests invited others to dream with them: a partner, close family, best friend. If you prefer, a personal journal might prove helpful in helping you imagine and gradually work towards decisions and actions. We would love to hear what your imagining looks like, or how dreaming guided you towards a relocation, if you have already progressed towards moving. Comment on this post or reach out by email (info@relocurious.com) to connect and chat.