Moving Changes You
Are you ready to dive in?
Moving can leave you feeling like a diver out of water, but if you're open to change, both around you and within you, it can be a truly rewarding experience.
Moving isn’t just about packing boxes and changing postcodes. There is more to it — and some of it goes to the essence of who we are (both before and after we move!). Relocating involves expanding our thinking about the world and our place in it, shifting perspectives, evolving identities, and sometimes, rewriting who we are.
It’s easy to focus on the differences between our new home and the one we left behind. The changes in ourselves as we adapt to and integrate into our new lives may be more subtle, and we may not notice them until someone points them out for us.
This theme has surfaced again and again in recent episodes of Relocurious, including our conversations with Alex and Anushka, who both spoke candidly about how relocating prompted them to rethink not just where they live, but who they are.
Sometimes the changes we experience can be a breath of fresh air, helping us reconnect with who we are at our core, once we strip away the old roles we used to play: in our work lives, families, or social groups. Other times, we may be confronted with the dissonance that comes from clinging to an old identity in a new environment.
The difference often lies in our mindset: do we believe we can grow and change in a new place, or do we believe we are who we are, full stop? In the latter case, the new environment might feel like an uncomfortable fit, especially if we expect it to adapt to us instead of us evolving to sync with the rhythms and practices of the new place.
Carol Dweck’s well-known distinction between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset comes to mind. A fixed mindset holds that who we, and others, are is set in stone. You're either smart or you're not, charismatic or not, athletic or quite the opposite. A growth mindset, by contrast, sees us as always being in flux — that talents, skills, and even attitudes can be nurtured and developed over time.
A fixed mindset might sound like: “I’m just not the kind of person who makes friends easily.” A growth mindset reframes it: “I haven’t made many new friends yet, but I’m figuring out how.”
Moving serves as a reset to these assumptions. It gives us permission to question the limiting stories we’ve told about ourselves, and to replace them with possibility. The shift from limitation to potential is a powerful one, but to activate that shift, we have to first believe that we can change and grow.
As our guests on the Relocurious podcast have been confirming, moving often comes bundled with other life transitions: retirement, starting a family, switching careers. It’s not just your environment that changes — it’s your sense of self, your purpose, your various roles.
Take retirement, for example. If your identity has been shaped for decades by your profession, stepping away from that role can feel destabilizing. But it can also be freeing. Moving to a new place provides the space to experiment with new versions of yourself, unencumbered by old expectations or constraints.
Who might you become if you had a blank canvas — a fresh start — in front of you?
One of the more subtle but profound shifts that can occur when you move is in how you define yourself. As James Clear puts it: identity change is more lasting than behavioural change.
Instead of saying, “I need to practice Portuguese every day,” which can easily be disrupted by travel, visitors, or, as it turns out, nearly anything, you might start thinking, “I’m someone who values connecting with my neighbours, even if that means learning the local language.” That identity can weather the chaos of life and change. It allows you to grow while staying anchored in something deeper than routine, or sheer willpower.
Moving demands personal shifts on many levels — in how you see yourself (and how others see you): as a productive person, a community member, a friend, a partner. In many roles, we are connected with others — and our relationships with the people “back home” as well as in the new place are bound to be affected by where we live. Moving doesn’t mean cutting ties with those “back home” relationships, but it does require an acceptance that relationship may evolve.
Weekly walks or board games with your former neighbour may become online movie (or virtual escape room) nights. In our case, the sense of community we enjoyed by participating in a photography club in Canada continued in Porto when we joined other photography enthusiasts for photography outings.
The life partner who moves with us will inevitably be impacted by these changes — resulting in subtle changes in them as well. Consider how the inevitable changes in you may come as a surprise to them: New friends? Buying stuff for a new hobby? More time spent outdoors? Changed routines?
‘No change’ may not be a comfy option in a new environment, yet changes can add up, and may feel like a lot. Is there a way out? For sure! Stay mindful of the purpose for your move, communicate openly with those who are moving with you, imagine fresh ways to stay meaningfully connected with family and friends, and embrace the opportunities for growth in you. A move can be your unique chance to become more intentional, more curious, and maybe even a bit more of the ‘you’ you enjoy.
This reflection was inspired by the following Relocurious podcast episodes:
S1:E4 Seeking Belonging in a New Country
S1:E5 I Am the Same, and I Am Different...
If you enjoyed this post, you may enjoy a longer essay titled Living Abroad Changed Me as a Person by Gregory Garrett from “Living Elsewhere”
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