Why Reinvent Yourself?
When you slow down to reflect on your life, and conclude that switching gears is the thing to do, you may be toying with self-reinvention: remembering, reclaiming, and reviving your best vision of what life could be. It may be quite different for each of us, but I bet most of us have one. Yet with the everyday busyness, the weight of the media doom and gloom, and the (self)imposed pressures to conform and perform, sometimes we forget our life dream. Or we give up on imagining that we can change things.
But what if we can?! Self-reinvention is the courage to step into the creative, generative way of being that those of us passionate about human development know as self-authoring. Do you get energized by creating in the kitchen? Cook! Do you get a thrill out of a day-long hike? That surely is an aspect of life that you can control! Do you love travel? Go have an adventure! And, do you want to stay and see what it’s like to make the place your home? Now that’s some serious thinking about self-invention!
As you let your mind entertain ideas like these, you may get intrigued, excited, wondering — then, moments later, you may find yourself retracting. The “Yes, but …” takes over: You have commitments; your job is not your dream come true but it pays the mortgage; what would your mom think …? Surely it would be indulgent and irresponsible to leave your not-so-bad-after-all life behind to live one you had been dreaming about!? More purposeful, more satisfying, perhaps “lighter” … Or, would it?
Self-reinvention begins with small awakenings: You notice what (still) sparks your curiosity, what restores your energy, what makes you feel alive again. You can design your days around what truly energizes and fulfills you, you know? A part of the quest is getting intentional and thoughtful about your life, how you choose to live, and who you choose to become. So … when you imagine your best life, what do you see? How are you spending your days, with whom, where?
Relocation as (One) Way to Reinvent Yourself
Kathy and I each had dreams of travel and creative pursuits long before we met. Then, one day, we realized we were ready: to marry, move, and invent a simpler and more satisfying life for ourselves. What we left behind was a fine, though no longer energizing life in Canada. In exchange, we surrounded ourselves with an abundance of sights, sounds and scents of history, art, and culture in Portugal.
Living in a place for a while gives you a more balanced view of it than when you visit as a tourist. For us, two and a half years in Porto have helped us imagine, discover, reminiscence, reflect, adjust, figure out, laugh, wonder, realize, and gradually get fully seen and perhaps established in the new place. We have felt welcome and “like we belong” for a while. At the same time, as we meet more people, get acquainted with local traditions and customs, and practice our (still rather elementary) Portuguese, we continue to discover new levels, or depths, of being “home” here.
In our earlier posts, we have explored the stages of relocating, from imagining living in a new place and letting go of the life we had known, to leaping into the unknown, towards re-rooting, and developing a fresh sense of belonging. We are now ready to point out moments of self-reinvention as both a couple and two individuals. As bits of our experience remind you of your own, do share a powerful moment or insight in a comment, by email, or over coffee if you happen to be living in Porto, or passing through. We would love to see this pondering spark new conversations.
This post is the first in a series of five. Together, they are meant as food for thought for self-reinvention through relocation. Consider where you have been on your own relocation journey so far, where you are today, and what is yet to come. We will revisit the five stages of the Relocurious Arc, offering fresh food for thought, questions and prompts to support reflective journalling, and sparks of courage to carry you forward. The idea is for thoughts to inspire action, and for action to prompt deeper reflection.
The Thoughts
As one form of self-reinvention, moving to a new country can be that vital prompt to get clear on what really matters to you in life. In the process, you may reimagine who you are, and make fresh decisions on how you want to live. Could a change of scenery (by yourself or with family) help you become more truly yourself in the new place?
Friends ask regularly what inspired our move to Porto. Well, it was a process, and there were a few layers to it. Plus, as a couple, each of us had some of our own initial motives and longings which, over many walks and talks, led to a joint vision.
The really pragmatic piece was that neither of us could see a way to sustain ourselves financially in Vancouver beyond the years of full-time work. The cost of living in this beautiful city (and many others around the world) has skyrocketed over time. Financial planners backed our instincts: Living a life of adventure and travel into our retirement years meant finding a place where living costs less. What helped was that we both were very much open to it. We like to think that “people bring the weather:” There are people who would likely be unhappy wherever they moved. Yet Kathy and I were reasonably confident that we could easily make a happy life almost anywhere.
Then, there was the dream piece. We both love exploring places, meeting new people, discovering new viewpoints and how people do things in different corners of the world. We both have lived in a range of places. We love getting lost in the streets of a small town, cycling along a river or an ocean beach, and hiking to a castle ruin. I lived in Canada for most of my adult life; Kathy for all of hers, except for a year in the UK. We were ready to dive into exploring “somewhere else”. Among the places we quickly fell in love with was Costa Rica. We could easily see ourselves settling in a rustic house on a hill. In fact, we loved one so much during our visit that we almost became snap buyers. But we are glad we didn’t, because there was still more to consider.
Family was a big consideration. We wanted to have more time with the people closest to us. It was tricky, as Kathy’s parents and brother live in Canada, while my immediate relatives live in Slovakia. My daughter Petra, 15 at the time of our moved, had moved from Canada to Slovakia with her mom a few years earlier. Petra and I had always been very close. We told stories, played games, and created moments of silliness on our daily video calls. Yet we couldn’t just hop on our bikes and go get ice cream when we felt like it. Not often, anyway. We wanted more. And, our move ended up working out beautifully for Kathy’s family connections as well: The occasional weekend visit to Kathy’s parents became a six-week-long stay when we are back in Canada each year.
The Emotions
Our podcast guests who had moved to a new place share that thinking of a big move brought a mix of excitement, worry, curiosity, doubt, wondering, fear, certainty, uncertainty, hope, and stress. It sounds like those who move do so encouraged by the positive emotions (whatever the mix) and undeterred by the negative ones. The factors prompting someone to relocate may include personality, life experience, environment, as well as whether we tend to seek out or embrace change, or avoid it at all cost.
Our own journey wasn’t too dissimilar from the roller coaster that others speak of: The idea of moving excited us, and researching places and imagining living in them was energizing. We recognized the privilege of being free to move: We had the right passports, some savings, a vision of living “unplugged” from anywhere, and an open mind about what may come. Our enthusiasm shifted when the inevitable hiccups popped up, yet we were confident that they were all “overcomeable.” All turned out to be about managing expectations: Bureaucracies were of course more chaotic than advertised; our townhouse sold “too quickly” (so we ended up living out of suitcases in a rental for weeks); and we had definitely underestimated the value of starting language lessons earlier … But for us, none of these moments prompted a rethink of the move, or made us feel our new life adventure was — and still is — amazing.
Months later, we still find ourselves having “silly moments” where expectations and reality do not align. A part of it may, again, have to do with privilege: If you have lived in a country where systems are slick, predictable, and reliable, it is easy to be taken aback by something that, in your mind, had long been figured out, overcome, and replaced by systems that just work. I mean “people systems” rather than technological systems: how technologies are used to provide (or not) convenience, consistency, and “figureoutability.” If you are on your way to Portugal, you may find yourself surprised, wondering, and a tad annoyed here and there. What keeps us sane is the realization that millions of people who have lived with these systems all of their lives all eventually make it through all the steps of daily life (including getting somewhere by transit, receiving a parcel, or successfully renewing a driving licence). Just saying.
The Actions
By dreaming boldly, you can begin a new life — and reclaim your “why.” I like to get my leadership students’ attention by sharing a quote by Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Expecting our lives (and ourselves) to be what we wish or desire, but without taking steps to make it so, probably won’t work. The idea, then, is to switch from dreaming to taking action. Bring the change you want into your life, and change yourself in the process.
Kathy and I used to have meaningful, well paying professional jobs. We loved helping people be on top of their game educationally, show up professionally, help others. Yet, we grew progressively tired, disappointed, or perhaps impatient about the limited forward movement we were effecting in organizations and industries. I stepped into contract work before the pandemic, and I love the autonomy of choosing the projects I work on, and the pace. Kathy left her job just before we moved, freeing herself up for creative pursuits. It has been delightful to see her come alive as she took up writing. And we travel and enjoy visiting with friends more than we ever had before.
Oprah Winfrey said that “The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.” Our podcast guests vehemently encourage others to think boldly and “go for it:” Live your dream! If your dream is to start a business, move to a new town, or even to a new country, what’s holding you back?! How will your dream come true if you don’t make it so!? What is not going to become possible in your life if you don’t take that first step, and just keep going?? Change often begins with imagining a better future. What dream are you going to make come true in your life?
If you enjoy reading Relocurious posts and listening to our podcast, please: (1) Support us as a subscriber; (2) Share your own relocation story; and (3) Forward this post to at least one friend passionate about relocating — or who is already well on their way and reinventing themselves!