Self-Reinvention: Act 3
Leaping: Ready Or Not, Here I Come!
This five-act series is an invitation to examine your international relocation through the lens of self-reinvention. In Act 1, you have imagined a change in scenery (a new place, community, country). In Act 2, you have built up the courage to let go. You know it’s ‘go live’ time. You have mulled over your motives (escape the old, create the new), and you are ready to make a move (or, as ready as you’ll be). So here is Act 3: Leaping.
BTW, it may not even matter whether that readiness is real, or you are simply OK to act on blind faith. One way or the other, you have made your peace with the thought that it’s time, so you are moving. You have let go of your place, stuff, social anchors. Your bags are packed, and boarding the plane is your first real action towards freedom.
Brace Yourself: Relocating Is Not Just About Place
The place you are moving to may be the first thing that comes up in conversations about your relocation. But chances are, the place was not the drive for your decision to move, or at least not the only drive. Might you also be longing for a change in you, in how you relate to yourself and the world around you, and how life feels?
Might we be talking about self-reinvention? I fully admit, I had not initially thought of our move to Portugal, the idea of slowing down, and the desire to make space for more creative pursuits in terms of reinventing ourselves. Yet, the proposition is so intriguing! Hence this series of wonderings about what may become possible if in the process of relocating, we thoughtfully reinvent who we are, and how we live.
I think of self-reinvention as coming alive to your best dream or idea or vision of what life could be, or perhaps should be. Both in terms of who (and how) you can be, and what (and also how) you can create for yourself and others. Consciously or not, you may be attracted to a certain type of place, community, and way of living.
Place
Living in a small town, or having a view of the ocean, or knowing you can walk most everywhere is often a part of the relocation dream. It matters what cities, towns and villages look and feel like to us. In your travels, you may already have gotten a taste of the environments that didn’t work for you (perhaps they were noisy, dirty, people-y, or they felt unsafe, unwelcoming, or unwalkable) so you have a sense of what you do want.
You may want to replace long commutes, traffic jams, and raging drivers with walking to work through a park full of flowers, paths and benches, with a cheerful playground, or a quiet coffee kiosk. You likely don’t want to drive to a gym and a big store anymore, especially knowing that in another place, you could just hop on a bike and go pick up fresh veggies at your local market. You may even see some smiling faces along the way!
Some of it surely has to do with time. I remember being mesmerized by the cityscapes of places like New York back in my twenties. But over time, I had grown tired of the glass, concrete, fast pace and long distances in Vancouver, delighted instead to admire Porto’s azulejos and cobblestone streets while walking everywhere. And I do not miss riding elevators with strangers too fearful (or busy texting) to respond to a ‘Hello’. I enjoy connecting with neighbours with smiles, waves, and friendly chats.
So you may be keen on moving to a new place. What else might be on your mind — maybe relationships with family and friends, and social connections more broadly?
Relationships and Community
Perhaps you had grown up around people and families who had made your old place “home”. Over time, some of those people may have moved for work, your children may have left for university, some of your neighbours may have changed. When the right people are no longer there, the place may begin to feel quite different, even alien.
With your social circles not quite the same, and making new connections later in life harder, you may start to feel like a stranger in your own town. Lonely and lost, you want out. Then you remember how you loved vacationing in Amsterdam or Krakow or Faro, places that were filled with life without being loud and overstimulating.
Or you recall the sense of freedom and comfort you felt taking long nature walks or bike rides or skiing trips with friends. You want your surroundings and your new community to feel lively, relatable, and personal in a way that lets everyone who lives there know they matter. You want to relate, belong, and find ways to connect and contribute. Community and social ties are things that you have come to value.
There may be more yet. When you go about your days and interact with the place and the people, how do you feel? How do you want to feel? Can you help create such experiences?
Lifestyle and Rhythms
People often devote years to building a career, working long days and weekends to earn a living, status, admiration. Work can give your education and daily pursuits meaning, or it can become a quest to please the boss or impress the neighbours (or old classmates, or your parents). Then one day, you may realize that work has served its purpose in your life. You are ready to trade that stable income, big house, and club memberships for a slower pace with more time for family, adventure, or dance lessons.
What do you do when you want life to feel different: more energizing, more fulfilling, deeper? Why dismiss the desire to have a better balance between the things you have to do (like make a living) and love to do (create, travel, interact with curious minds, be silly)? The rhythm of daily living should make sense. A change of life circumstances and shifting priorities can serve as a welcome nudge towards living life more fully.
And why do we do what we do? What is the meaning and value of our lives? How much does that matter? How can we reignite the sense of meaning and direction for ourselves?
Purpose and Direction
Perhaps when you were younger and the world felt simpler, you were clear on what mattered to you and others, and you were keen on living a life of purpose. Yet some of that excitement may have gotten lost along the way, and you may be doubting the value or meaning of how you spend your days. When you start to question if what you do is satisfying and appreciated, you may be ready to change a few things around.
When life becomes a bit dull (or quite dull), how do you make it more fulfilling again? Can you envision a life without your current job, car, vacations in exotic locations? Perhaps you want to create art, help out at community events, or run a used book store, coffee shop, or bakery. One way or the other, you become more present to how essential it is to be clear on your life’s purpose and direction. Suddenly, you have no doubt that you are fully capable of making it happen, and you take the first steps.
The pieces are interconnected. Living your life purposefully is linked to a new appreciation for simplicity, and to reviving a longing for deeper connections with people, nature, and yourself.
Sense of Self and Identity
Given how busy our lives have become, it’s really easy to get distracted from visions and dreams. The quest to keep up with everyone else (as we work, drive, scroll, boast about our lives) may be carrying us where we had never planned to go. But you can put the phone down and be the person who notices and acknowledges and engages. Who contributes meaningfully to good causes, and lives a full and deeply fulfilling life.
If you like birds or trees or waves, treat yourself to walks to the park, forest, or beach. If you like movies and time with friends, go check the schedule, or host a board game night. If you get energized by sports, put everything else aside, and do what you love. Yes, work hard, too, but be the author of your life by being clear on what, where, how, and why you want to do. And who you want to be, for yourself, others, and the planet.
You know what makes life good. Make a leap to create it. Live it. Perhaps in a new place that brings you joy, surrounded by great people, knowing you are making meaningful contributions.
Leaping is an “in between” stage. We are saying ‘Goodbye’ to those parts of our lives (places, connections, lifestyle) that are no longer serving us well. And we are saying ‘Hello’ to the forces we want to guide who we are becoming, as well as how and where we take our life journey next. To leap means to decide we are good to go, and to step into action. A thoughtful leap can invite a universe of new possibilities into your life.
Get Ready to Leap
Not sure you are ready? Start with an approach that feels comfortable — try these:
Close your eyes and imagine your new place: What awaits you once you are off the plane? Visualize your new street, the sunny day, the friendly people you meet.
Research gathering places in your new neighbourhood. Find a club or meetup to join, or just to check out. Or, discover hidden gems as you explore with your camera.
List activities that will make your new life satisfying. Hiking? Walking on the beach? Volunteering? Look for causes that resonate, and locals passionate about them.
Prepare to use your new country’s language every day to help you feel more connected. Prepare a few conversation starters so it’s easier to initiate small talk with neighbours.
Start a journal to note thoughts and feelings, and keep track of how the journey unfolds. Doodle, sketch, or take photos to share with family and the people “back home”.
Inspire Others
Are you getting ready to leap, about to leap, or already post-leap? How are you going about it all? How does it feel? What words of wisdom might you share with others who are getting ready to leap? We would love to hear about your experience with relocating. Please answer these few questions, or email us, or post a comment below.
We are Michal and Kathy — your Relocurious hosts and coffee lovers (just saying) …
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